crazy week

It has been a very crazy week this past week. I pretty much spent all week at school working as part of the stage crew on my school's musical (Fiddler on the Roof). It was a hard 6 days for me. I came face to face with some of my weaknesses. Spending so much time with all my friends in the stage crew gave me an opportunity to be who I really am. Now it gave me the opportunity but I didn't really use it. I feel back on just being the shallow me that I tend to be around others. It is so hard for me to open up sometimes. I have no courage to do it and no wisdom in how and when. Only when it is just me and Jesus then am I able to feel like I can be myself. That is good and all but it won’t help any when it comes to displaying who Jesus really is to those around me. I want people to see the Jesus that is a radical and life-changing force. It hurts me when so many people see Jesus as a religious character or even as a big god in the sky. And I have no courage to speak up about him. I feel like this whole week I couldn’t open myself up at all. When I open myself, it results in showing what I really deep down care about and that is solely Christ. I mean, I owe him everything. My life, my breath, my everything is his because of what he has done. But I, out of fear, or lack of courage, or lack of wisdom, or even selfishness, tend to bury that. I am at the prime of my high school years but all I can do is feel sorrow because so many of those I talk to every day at school are missing the ability to partake of the beauty, the hope which is knowing Christ and sharing in his glory. Part of it is the fact that I am afraid if I put myself out there, than all those peoples’ religious backgrounds will destroy their ability to understand the gospel of Jesus, how he can do it ALL for them. I wish I could just gather every friend I have together and just sit with them and share the story of the bible with them. The story of why Jesus is such a big deal to me. I guess you could say that is my far-fetched dream. But I just wish it was easier to for me to speak up. I have also, in my busyness been shown what it is like if I fail to spend time everyday with my God. Every day that goes by without spending time with him leads me more and more down the path I don’t want to take. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what Christ would have me do with my free time. I don’t feel like spending time on the computer or playing guitar or whatever is the best thing to be doing. But I don’t know what else to do. I want to live every moment of every day for the glory of God but I am not sure how, practically, to do that. I have been praying a lot lately that the Lord would give me wisdom on what to do