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This is a link to a video I saw awhile back that I keep going back to watch from time to time. It is a great reminder of redemptive history and what it means for Christians today

http://www.vimeo.com/4316077

where is home?

I grew up in the same city and the same house from birth until at 18 when I went off to college. It is thanksgiving week so I have gone back to my old city, my old house to spend time with my family over the holiday. It is always such a strange experience to get settled in a place and then try to return to the place you once called home. It is a partial identity crisis I think. So much of our identity tends to get wrapped up in where we live, who we live with. A change in these parameters of living is strange and hard to deal with. I question who I am a little bit. I question what it will be like after finishing college to be living completely on my own, maybe even being responsible for taking care of a wife. But this is an identity crisis that I cherish. It makes me step back and think about who I really am. It draws me closer to my father who is the king of the universe and has given me a new identity, a new home. This is a home in which I have actually never been to, but yet a home I long for.

Listen, you who seek wisdom...

All over scripture is the statement that "the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom". I have spent the last week pondering what it means to fear God, asking God to show me what it is like to fear him. I still feel like I do not fully understand what this all entails but I want to point out a few things that I have come to understand. God is a King. Not just a King, but the King of all kings and rulers, human authorities, spiritual authorities. God's title alone should cause us as human beings to tremble. We are under his power, everything that He wills happens. Our lives seem to live sometimes under the illusion that we are our own masters and our destiny, at least in this life, is in our own hands. What a lie. We can make all the plans, we can store up all the riches, we can make choices about what we do with our time, but in the end these are subject to the will of God. James, in his letter, speaks by the Spirit of God saying: "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil" (James 4:14-16).

I want to simply continue by speaking to you, reader. And when I say you this not just to you the reader but this is what I am speaking to myself.
You are a mist.
You are a flower in the huge field of God.
Your beauty fades.
Your material existence like the wind, there one day, gone the next.
You have no right to boast in your self-determination.
You belong to the King of Kings.
He fashioned you with his hands.
He is your God.
He bought you when you were running from him.
He bought you with his own blood.
The blood of God himself spilled onto the dirt below a tree.
You are now his.
He is the overseer.
He is the Shepard of your restless soul.
Your soul will always be broken apart from him.
You are dependent on him for life itself.
Fear him.
Tremble.
He is God.

And you will know wisdom,
faith,
righteousness,
holiness,
godliness.

A story about slaves and masters

Slave. This is not a name that most would take kindly to. This word brings to mind many things in the history of humanity. For Americans it reminds them of the days of the slave trade, where a country founded on the inalienable rights of a human being, showed great hypocrisy and racism. It might make you think about the history of the ancient world and how almost every major kingdom that ever existed, from Babylon to Rome, was partially built on the backs of those in involuntarily servitude. A Jew or a Christian, who knows about the history of Israel, may hear the word slave and think about how the descendants of Abraham were enslaved in Egypt and were delivered miraculously by God.

But I want to take you back to another event in history. I want to talk about the former and then the current human condition and what it means for our definition of slavery. Millennias ago there was a husband and wife that lived in nothing short of paradise. They were healthy and they knew no pain nor shame. This couple was unique because they were the only human beings who were not born into slavery. What set them apart was that they actually knew the creator of the universe. They knew God. But although they had this privileged birth right, an embodiment of evil coaxed them into breaking the one rule the creator, and lover, of their souls had set up for them. The beloved had rebelled against the lover. This choice was the selling of mankind into slavery. This is a slavery that is not so much different than the slavery of human being owning another human being. It created in mankind a rebellious nature that is always seeking to own and effectually controlled every man and woman. Everything that was beautiful and good in creation became perverted and controlled by the lusts of man's new owner. Men now seek after things to please their new master. They seek after riches, sensual pleasures, euphoria, dominance over fellow man (hence the man owning man slavery I started out talking about), and many other lusts. So quick and complete was the rebellious nature's control that the world became an evil place as soon as the once free couple was thrown out of the paradise they were born into.

I feel like I need to clarify something and reword some of this. Mankind was never meant to be completely free and independent. Dependency is part of human nature. Man is dependent on this rebellious nature, man needs a master, its simply how we are programmed. I want to point out the reality is that the human race simply traded masters. The original master of mankind was also the lover of mankind. One who knew them intimately, better than they knew themselves, and met their every need. This lover was nothing short of God himself. Now the rebellious nature became the new master when mankind rebelled against their master and lover. Under this new master, man is a broken creature, the new master is so concerned with meeting perverse lustful wants that many of the needs of a man are left unmet. Indeed, this new master does not even know how to meet the needs of man. Man experiences hopeless, shame, fear, loss, hurt, and loneliness, just to name a few. Amidst all the pains that broken man experiences, a longing for the real master may be found deep in his soul. A wall has been built by the new master so that fellowship between the lover and the beloved is no longer possible. I believe the lover feels pain even greater because his beloved has forsaken him.

However, amidst this story of heartbreak is the story of the lover, creator God, finding a way to be reunited with his children that are rebelling. He found the few men who lived on the earth who began to recognize the longing in their souls for their true master and sought him. He came to these men and set in motion events that would begin to put holes in the wall that man, alongside his new master, had built. He started by creating a nation of people that he would call his own, a people he would care for as much as they would let him, a nation that would proclaim the nature of the true master. Well to cut to the chase, for the most part they failed. God did everything he could to bring this rebellious nation into relationship with him but they continually were forsaking their lover.

Then at a crucial point in human history, God did the unthinkable. He became a man. He was born from a human woman and walked on the earth and grew up like any other man. Except he was God, he was perfect and he lived a perfect life while proclaiming something that sounded alien to human ears, a new world. This new world he called the Kingdom of God, this was a world where man could finally know God again as their master and God could finally reach out to enslaved man. Then after all this talk about the new world, some men got together and put God to death. But the ironic thing about this murder was that this was God's plan all along. He did this so that he could suffer for the evil man had done and smash down the wall that separated man from God. God had taken responsibility for what had happened to man and made a way for God to be the loving master of man that he was in the beginning.

Here is where our story intersects with today. Today Jesus has already be killed on the cross and been risen from the grave. He has smashed down the wall between man and God, between lover and beloved, and inaugurated the Kingdom of God-the new world. But a specific part of this story is still up to each man. A man must choose to partake in this reality of the new world. He (or she) must embrace Jesus as being in very nature God and being the one who is able to take down the wall between man and God. And this very day we stand at a point in time where this new world is not fully here. Even if man embraces the call of Jesus he still has his rebellious nature in him fighting for control. A battle is now taking place, the foe has been defeated with the destruction of the wall but he is always trying to find new ways to be master again. The man who has embraced Jesus, believes in him, trusts in him still must fight his old master, though not alone. God has sent a helper into the battleground of man's heart. The Bible calls this the Holy Spirit. However, all though the battle rages on, the outcome is already known. God will finally win, he will destroy the rebellious nature of mankind at a point in future history and will fully bring into reality that Kingdom of God. Man is simply called, at this stage in history, to resist the old master, to continually seek to make up for lost time with his lover and know him, really know him. Where man was once stuck in slavery to the rebellious nature that had taken over, Man can become a slave to righteousness, a slave to trying to know God more and more every day, a person who is trying to be overcome by the callings of God. This is a new person who has been spiritually reborn and is dependent on God again. This my friends is not a slavery to fear, its a slavery where you are not just a slave, or a servant, but you are also friend and the beloved. Jesus is your groom and you are his bride and you along with your lover are longing for the wedding feast that will take place at the end of time.


"For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved" (2 Peter 2:19b ESV)

Characters and Story

It has been quite a while since I have written anything for this blog. For some reason my love for writing has dwindled in the last year or so. I hope this is not a permanent thing. But anyhow, I felt the urge to write something today.

I was pondering something when I woke up this morning and I want to get it out in writing. I have been quite addicted to this television comedy, 30 Rock. I had only seen one episode before this month but now I have watched the first 3 season of it. I was contemplating what about that show has drawn me in over the past month. The show has won multiple Emmy awards and is critically acclaimed for its brilliant writing. Though the writing is definitely above par and it is quite funny, I do not think that is the reason I was so taken by the show. It was the characters. I had fallen in love with the characters on the show. I connected with them. I wanted to hear more about their lives, their stories, their backgrounds, their dreams, and their hopes. They are not even real people, but I was drawn into their lives. I began to draw a possibly cliché sounding, sermon-like parallel between this and the biblical narrative, though this parallel hit me deep within my soul. Why have I not fallen in love with the Bible more? The Bible is a story about a God! The greatest character in any story ever told since the foundations of the earth. The Story of the Triune God should be the narrative that draws me in even more. One of the most valuable things I have learned at Biola so far is how to read the bible and see God on every page, whether he is mentioned by name or not. The Old Testament is not just a story about Israel's history, it is so much more than that, God's life and story is weaved throughout the history of this group of people. Added to that, every book in the Old Testament points ahead to the life of the not yet born Jesus. Then comes the newer revelation from God, the New Testament. Here God himself becomes man. God reveals himself to be even more relational. Through the God-man Jesus, we can relate to God even more personal, God and I can relate even in our struggles! I feel like growing up in the Church and in Sunday School, I have grown far to used to the Biblical stories, I have not been allowing myself to read the Bible with a fresh desire to hear about God's story-To connect my own story to the story of Yahweh.

still stuck

My summer is more than half-way over and I still feel like I am stuck in the same rut I have been in for far too long. I feel like am stagnant, which in reality means I am going backwards in my growth-as a human, as a man, as a new adult, as a servant of the king. I am also made aware of my apathy and my pervasive laziness. I am a lazy person, this is something I have to fight intensely. I am constantly brought to this realization and though I desire so strongly to change in these moments, it does not take me long before I fall back into old habits and desires that have kept me stagnant so long. I have all these passions within me but when it is time to act on them I fall back into fear or apathy. Fear of what it might mean to act on them. Fear of losing that which makes me comfortable. Unable to see the joys that are not instant gratification but, through my relentless pursuit of them, bring a fullness of joy. There are so many things that bring true joy: Growing in the knowledge of Yahweh more and more every day through Jesus; Building honest, open, authentic relationships with other broken human beings like myself; learning to care more for others than I do for myself. I pray that God would kill my fear, my laziness, my apathy and convict my heart about these things, not just daily, but hourly.

late night stress

Here I am. It's 5 am and I can't sleep, so I am going to just write. I have a few more things to do in the next 2 days but other than that I am done with my first year of College. Even though I am practically done I am stressed out. Summer looms like a giant tree above me. I need to find job and figure what I am going to do with myself besides that. I do not want to leave Biola but at the same time I know I need to. I need a change of pace for a bit. I need to figure myself out. I still feel like a child in so many ways. My passions continue to lie dormant for the most part. I hate this feeling of being unable to be who I want to become. I still feel daily enslaved to the cheap pleasures that surround me. I am still so very selfish and a master of taking the easy way out of everything. This is hurting my schooling and learning and my integrity. I simply want to pursue the heart of God but this is only part of who I am. The scared human nature within me still rules most of my life. My faith is still so weak. I desire to trust my God more so that he can do his work in me. I am slothful in my zeal and not fervent in spirit (Romans 12:11). A friend of mine likes to talk about consistency in the Christian life and I feel like there is so little consistency in my life. I write this now and feel passionate about it but when I wake up in the morning my flesh will take over yet again and nothing will change. It depresses me how weak I am. Pray for me that Christ's power comes to rescue me in my weakness. Pray that Yahweh will be who I turn to in my difficulty.

A professor of mine once described the difference between a wise man and a foolish man:

A Foolish Man is one who is "pursuing strategies for living that bring asense of control (over vulnerablility) and satisfaction (over thristiness) in the midst of the uncertainity and difficulty of life"

A Wise Man is someone who is "pursuing knowledge of the Holy One that leads to absolute confidence in his person/works even in the midst of the uncertainty and difficulty"

I see myself in that Foolish man.

Uniqueness of the Bible's Gospel

I began reading Karl Barth's The Epistle to the Romans tonight and came across a section of note.

"The Gospel is not a religious message to inform mankind of their divinity or to tell them how they may become divine. The Gospel proclaims a God utterly distinct from men. Salvation comes to them from Him, because they are, as men, incapable of knowing Him, and because they have no right to claim anything from Him. The Gospel is not one thing in the midst of other things, to be directly apprehended and comprehended. The Gospel is the Word of the Primal Origin of all things, the Word which, since it is ever new, must ever be received with renewed fear and trembling. The Gospel is therefore not an event, nor an experience, nor an emotion-however delicate! Rather it is the clear and objective perception of what eye hath not seen nor ear heard. Moreover, what it demands of men is more than notice, or understanding, or sympathy. It demands participation, comprehension, co-operation; for it is a communication which presumes faith in the living God, and which creates that which it presumes" (28).

Stream of consciousness

The world crumbles,

Yes
there is Good,

hiding in many shadows,

Yahweh.

King.

Love.

Why?

Creation,
I watch you moan,

and I join in.

I am finally letting myself feel
again.

Yes,

Hope
is
real,

I challenge
all
your
religions
you have made,

Human,

you scrabble to please God,

you seek to be near to him,

you know the only hope must be in God,

yet all your rituals
give you temporary feelings that
only lead to despair,
or a false hope,

narrow is the pathway to life,
and to the giver of life,

and few find it,

give up your religion,
give up your self confidence,
stop trying to be good enough for God!

Cling
to Jesus,

let yourself die,

and you will find life,
and you will find God,
and know him as a friend,
as a loving father,

I beg of you,

I weep for those who do not listen,
and for those who cannot hear,

Yahweh,
Jesus,

Why do I get to know the joy of knowing you
while others are blind?

and knowing this,
feeling the weight of this,

Why the hell do I return to my sin?
Why the hell do I return to my own efforts?

It is insanity.

God,

lead me more and more,

to the place where
I feel my emptiness apart from you,

Help me to better cling to you
Jesus,

I am a desperate man,

And I entreat you,
man or woman,

become desperate,
know emptiness,

and you will find fullness
in Jesus,

And a hope that is truly unshakable

Ehrman gets OWNED by Colbert

This made me laugh out loud more than I have in a long time

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Bart Ehrman
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Gay Marriage Commercial

Reflections from my "Good" Friday

I drove back to my Arizona birthplace this morning from my current home, Biola University. Today has been such an abnormal day it has been hard for me, until now, to sit back and reflect on what happened when the God-man was crucified.

I just got back from watching the film Religulous. This is a documentary, hosted by the comedian Bill Maher, about how religion is irrational and unhelpful for modern society. I find it ironic that I watched this movie on Good Friday (I did not think of this until after I watched it). The movie did a great job of pointing out the evil religion has done/is doing. I do not give Bill Maher credit for doing this since its entirely too easy. Religion, in America especially, is moronic sometimes and Bill Maher was great at pointing out the stupidity on the parts of people who follow Christianity and other religions. Again, he is good at what he does but it doesn't take much searching to find idiotic people who name the name of Christ. To be blunt, I wish Bill Maher would get some balls and actually interview someone who has done scholarly work in answering the questions he had (maybe William Lane Craig or Lee Strobel?). His questions were not new or unique, they are the ones people have been asking ever since Jesus went back to heaven. I do not think he ever once-that the final film cut revealed-talked to someone who had intelligent answers for his questions. This made the movie somewhat frustrating for me.

All this behind me, I turn to the task of considering on the death of God-incarnate. What love does this black night reveal? What pain would have been heard in the voice of Jesus when he uttered "Father forgive them for they know not what they do"? I can only imagine. Yahweh in all his mystery decided to come as a man and die a shame-filled death. This death served the purpose of atoning for the sins of mankind but also as our example. That of seeking the good of others before our own. Jesus said that the greatest love that one could have for a friend would be to die for them (John 15:13). Then Jesus goes embodies this statement. As far as the atonement and the ugly beauty found in it, I feel unable to find words to describe it; Instead, I will post the words to a hymn that has helped me in my reflections.

O come and mourn with me awhile,
O come ye to the Savior’s side
O come, together let us mourn,
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

Seven times He spake seven words of love;
And all three hours His silence cried
For mercy on the souls of men;
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

O love of God! O sin of man!
In this dread act Your strength is tried;
And victory remains with love;
Jesus our Lord is crucified!

O break, O break, hard heart of mine!
Thy weak self-love and guilty pride
His Pilate and His Judas were:
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

A broken heart, a fount of tears,
Ask, and they will not be denied;
A broken heart love’s cradle is:
Jesus our Lord is crucified.

And victory remains with love;
Jesus our Lord is crucified!

I do not want those I love to be blind to the beautiful

It is hard. It hurts. To see those people in my life that I love reject the beautiful one. The God who came down in human flesh and subjected himself to be murdered by those he designed. To bear the wrath of God for the evil of the world. The evil I have done. The evil others have done. The evil those I love have done. We have all hurt God. I have hurt him so much but yet he brings me to himself out of love. He tells me to trust him. Trust Jesus to take me to Yahweh. Who am I but a marred human being who brings pain to the God who made me? Yet Jesus, weeping because humanity has turned from God, takes the punishment for my evil and leads me before the throne of God by way of his blood. What must I do to make up for my filthiness? Nothing. God has done it already. I am no longer who I am in myself. I find my life and being through the homeless radical who came back from the dead. So many people I love can not see this and it hurts. My heart aches. It is hard to bear sometimes. I just want to scream that Jesus is the only life. But I want to scream it in a way that people hear it and embrace it.

Poem of Remembrance

God

Who are you?
Why do you love me?

I face who I am,
I am nothing,

I am a flower in your field,
Made by your hand,

but my beauty fades,
I die,

Death seeks me,
the inevitable,

Yet in you there is life,
life that starts tonight,

beauty that is yours
you give to me,

An adoption,

Am I really your child?

This truth,
wondrous,
mysterious,

I am

loved by God,

because,

I AM

decides to make me worthy

The Word of God is Alive and Active

I started my second semester of college today. It is refreshing to be back in the grind of school, which feels strange to me. I guess I am just tired of not doing anything productive. Anyway, I was in my Bible class today and my teacher was telling a story of how he was challenged in college to memorize Colossians 3:1-17. He ended the class but reciting it to the us and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I have been thinking lately what scripture is and how those seemingly static human words are actually the dynamic words of Yahweh himself. I really felt that I experienced this powerfully when he was reciting the passage he had memorized many years ago. I was overcome for a minute with the strength that seemed to come from those words. It was as if they were no longer human words but the breath of God.